to be or not to be

Why have you taken so long to tell me you love me, only then to tell me that you don't know? Am I going to have to wait ten years for you to decide, and in ten days you will meet someone and I will have spent ten years on nothing? If you don't know, will you ever know? I huddle in the cold of the cinema, wanting your arm around me, and resenting its heavy load on my shoulders. The closer we are, the more it irks me that you are drawing away, in your words and thoughts. The comedy does not make me laugh, I see no joy in mirth, so deeply am I mired in a bog of our making. I struggle to release myself, and yet, am trapped by desire. I want you, I love you...I should cast you off while I am young, and can toss my blonde curls at any man, and have him wish to peel away the layers that cling to and conceal my reluctant virtue. And yet...I cannot be free until there is no hope. You smile, you grasp my hand and bring it to your lips. You laugh at the film. Are you really at my side or simply beside me?

kat